im about as happy as oj after his trial
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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