i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
