The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
