you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need to calm my uterus...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
