dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
