i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
