Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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