It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This house was built for laser tag.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
