Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
