I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
