I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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