also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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