genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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