Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
