I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
