I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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