Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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