If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize