I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
