guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
