My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
