Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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