Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
