let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
