So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
