Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
