We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize