Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
