I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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