That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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