i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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