If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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