My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
