When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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