Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
