I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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