is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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