One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
