In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
