the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
