I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
