in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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