The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
