We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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