Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
