I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
