I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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