Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
