Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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