i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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