Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
