doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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