i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
