i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
