Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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