I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
