We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
