my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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