ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
